what i got for new years....

jenni how

a poem

by aaron wells

jenni style

mustard lays on a barken blanket

against auburn skies. a corduroy sheet,

you adorn a fleecy bed

amid a cloven sea.

pretty jenni

honey drips golden down stolid shoulders:

brassy rings surrounding elven

face and arab eyes; a phoenix

ignites a smelted heart to its boldest kelvin.

ambitious jenni

yours is a hawk's passion

to soar; to dive;

to seek the goal 

and capture prey alive.

jenni mind

yet, soaring heights and swooping bows

do not impede your view.

you check your wings, your course and scape;

thoughts are more than true

jenni move

you are strength.

jenni shoes and jenni legs

pad a sunny pavement

and dash beyond the sloven dregs.

jenni listen

i heard you listen silently beneath a sullen

moon. time was a distance between starts, between grass roots,

whose spiny limbs etched their memories into a clay cochlea--

their noiseless din bellowed you as flutes.

jenni goodness

you saw the first light of a new, white star.

upon its appearance

you followed on dusty toes,

all tributaries muddled in your trance.

jenni kindness

time is a woven, calico blanket; it is your gift;

you unroll it across a pallet,

upon which appears a help unmatched;

their gratitude is a heavy, falling mallet.

jenni affection

honey drips golden

across a thirsty tongue.

you wrap me in arms

of billowy down; i am young.

jenni mystery

mostly, you are a dream

whose particulars i cannot place

when waking. when waking comes

i gaze in awe at trails i cannot trace.

............i pretty much have the most adorable, amazing boyfriend ever. it is a happy new year indeed!

Mr. Rogers, you have done it again....

I admit it. Every time I listened as Mr. Fred Rogers told me I was special and unique- exactly as I was meant to be, I felt those warm-fuzzies. Sure, this man could seem creepy as he adorns his sweater, changes his shoes, and softly sings to his young audience, but I still see him as a TV-uncle with great life lessons and fashion sense. So many great memories... the toilet seat factory... how recycling works... why friends fight... and how cool it is to have a miniature train in your house. And today, years after he has passed away, he helped me realize what I have been missing for the past few months. 

I am working on a lesson for church in a few weeks. It is titled Living Righteously in Perilous Times. After reading through the material, I felt like focusing on the idea of peace. What is it? Where does it come from? How do we maintain peace in our lives? Disclaimer, I am aware that there is a lot to peace. It can be achieved through different paths. I do feel, though, that a great deal of the peace we feel has to do with our attitude toward others. Peace must be understood within us. It comes through our knowledge of truth, which increases our ability to have faith. I have noticed it is almost impossible to feel peace when I am frustrated with someone. I get so focused on the negative things I see that I become entirely uncertain about what is good anymore. When I think of people I dislike, all of those thoughts are negative. Of course I dislike them, that is all I am seeing in them! So, what is it that attracts me to some people, but I cannot seem to see in others? This is where Mr. Rogers hit me on the head...

“When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.” 

In people I have already learned to love, all I see when I look at them is how they have inspired me. People who still believe in love, people who stand for the truth no matter what, people who are honest, people who never complain. The most amazing thing to me about this is that every person can be an inspiration in some way. Unfortunately, we do not often allow them to be an inspiration because we do not understand their methods. It is a crying shame that we miss out on this beautiful side of so many people simply because we don't understand them. We really should take a moment to talk to people. Listen to what they are actually saying and make an effort to feel how they feel. I do not think we will be disappointed by what we find. I think we will find inspiration, and in the long-term I think we will find peace. 

One thing Mr. Rogers was really great at was making each of his viewers feel like they were an inspiration in some way. I believe that this is possibly the best way to encourage things like peace, love, and appreciation, and I can't think of anything the world needs more of right now. 

So... I am going to go spend some time finding things to admire in the people I know. I hope to find a spark... something to reignite my ambition for life. I hope to recognize the God-given gifts in others and feel within myself that same empowerment. I hope that this will brighten the world and inspire us all to reach for something greater. 

love your tree!!!

my dietitian shared this video with me last week. i absolutely love it.

it is so true! when i am observing God's creations in nature, i never think "well, gee, this rock looks pretty good.. but THIS one is a bit shabby.. needs improvement." when i look around at the beautiful earth surrounding me, i have an overwhelming sense that everything is exactly the way the Lord meant for it to me. 

so why, when i look in the mirror are my thoughts any different? am i not another of God's important and beautiful creations? because my sweater is less trendy than another woman or my thighs are a bit larger than another's, does it make me worth any less than them? 

NO

so, mental note to self... stop criticizing and start admiring. yes, that includes my own reflection. in sister uchtdorf's words..."it's not a race, it's a journey. enjoy the moment." that includes enjoying myself. 

challenge this month: LOVE YOUR TREE!!!

(this is the perfect month for that.. all the trees are pretty colors and changing.. love it)

things that matter most

this all started with a really huge picture on a cement wall in a park in tacoma. it shows hundreds of people crowding the street, waiting to see the results of the world series. my first thought was, "those silly people.. standing out there just to see some numbers posted!"

Ben Gilbert Park.... read about it!

but then i stood there a little longer and actually looked at their faces. it slowly dawned on me that these were real people with real lives and real personalities. not just part of an image on the wall. then i began to wonder what they were thinking and why each one of them woke up that morning and chose to stand on that very street at that very moment to make that very memory. i imagine most of them stood by good friends. maybe that is why they came, just to be with friends. some of the young ones had this gleam in their eyes. maybe they came for the sheer excitement of baseball. maybe baseball is what their dreams are made of. whatever the reason, the point is that they chose to be there. and it meant something to them. it meant more than being anywhere else at that moment.

this is similar to the powerful experience i had of seeing bruce lee's grave site. it was covered in gifts! people left poems, money, flowers. all for this celebrity they didn't even know. but, think of what bruce lee did for the asian american community? he showed them how their dreams were attainable! he made it in a big world where he was not-so-big! that is incredible!

so, this raises the question, "why do i wake up and choose to go where i do each day?" more so than that, do i actually do the things my dreams are made of? or do i push those things aside in the fears i will never make it? or because i mistakenly thought something else was more important? and what really inspires me is the people who live their dream. they go places and do things not because it is their duty or commission to do so, but because it is their dream to do so. these people are extraordinary. and, i am blessed to know some of them. some of these people had dreams for careers, some for families, and some for adventure. i admire how they have achieved their dreams, either in partial or complete.

keep doing what you do to make your dreams come true!

(perfect cliche ending, eh?)

jenni in wonderland

one mountain. four people. forty-eight hours. ninety-three miles.

that is all i knew going in to this adventure. the wonderland trail has a total elevation gain of about 5000 feet, various terrain such as rock, glacier, mud, river, forest, suspension bridges... you name it.. it had it all. and the best part, this trail gives a nice tight hug to mt rainier. complete with some of the most lovely views i have ever seen of a mountain.

DAY ONE: jordan, michael and i woke at 3 am, packed up the car, ate some muffins and hit the road for box canyon. it took about and hour and a half to get there.. i had taken nyquil to sleep, and had the weird sensation of not being able to keep my eyes open during the car ride... heh

at 5:30 am, kirk met us in the parking lot. after some quick intros and last-minute gear check, we hit the trail. watches in sync. the sun was just coming up. it was chilly, but not cold. a perfect time to climb!

about two hours later, we found ourselves in indian bar... wildflowers galore. oh, and, yes, mount rainier oversaw our enthusiastic steps as we barely finished 4 miles of our 93 mile journey.

shortly after leaving indian bar we were surprised to stumble on the first life we had seen that day (other than nature).. a herd of mountain goats! just chilling in the glaciers!

possibly the best part of the day was our pit crew. these great people met us at summerland around noontime with a great lunch spread of salami cheese rounds and bread. yum. not to mention, they brought smiles and encouragement!

power pose.. rainier has my back on this one...

this is one of the many cool bridges we crossed. but this river was the coolest. it is called the white river because the water is this milky-white color from the glaciers.. and remains that color all the way to the ocean! i don't really know what though...








this waterfall almost made me trip going across one of those handy-dandy bridges. so amazingly beautiful.

at about 8 pm we hit mystic lake. probably my favorite place on the hike. behind us, rainier is towering a lovely.. the moon was just peaking over it's peak. and ahead, the sun was setting. the lake was like an oasis from the rocky trail ahead of us... though, to my understanding.. it was only one small climb, a big descent, then a larger climb to camp mowitch, where we planned to sleep that night. ten more miles to our resting point.

 for some reason, after mystic lake, we kept stopping and taking pictures.. snacking.. resting.. our motivation was waning.. but we knew we had to forge onward. and we did. we had not seen other hikers in quite some time and realized they had all probably taken refuge in their tents by now to rest up for the next day's hike. we took a sad detour around the suspension bridges, which i looked forward to a great deal. after a long while, we began to wonder if we missed the turn. we donned out headlamps and kept moving, though, not before noticing how amazing the stars looks. i have never seen so many starts in my life. finally, after what seemed like ten hours, we reached a sign telling us we had only five miles to go. after the forty plus we had accomplished already, this was nothing! so, with  enthusiasm, we hurried up the trail. after hiking another two or three miles, we realized we had not been climbing. after consulting the map, we saw we still had about 2000 feet of elevation to go and only a couple miles left. how is this going to work out we wondered? but.. it was getting cold. we were exhausted, a bit hungry. but mostly just wanted some rest. and to answer our question, we found the climb. it was probably the steepest climb of our day. and it was dark. and i could not keep up with those strong men. i wanted to cry, but i knew that would only drain my energy and probably freak out my trail mates. i knew i had no choice but to keep moving. if i stopped, i would freeze. and be alone. so i kept on moving. i just kept thinking of where i was headed, and it gave me enough strength to move faster. we took one quick break on this insane hike, but for the rest we moved like machines. we just wanted to get to camp. at the top, we were elated to see a mere one mile hike to camp. we stumbled in to our tents around 1:30 am. 47 miles completed in 21 hours straight. mike and marianne had set it all up for us and emerged from their tents to greet us. i was grateful for marianne's willingness to guide me to the bathroom. i was so disoriented i probably would have gotten myself lost in the woods. after we were settled, we crashed. five solid hours of sleep.

in the morning, i woke up and tried to stretch out my body. surprisingly, it was not too sore. my knee felt a bit tender, but the rest of me was ready to keep up the hike. i could hear others moving around outside and decided to get up. i walked around a bit and realized i was so tired. my body was pretty beat. i considered hiking on, but thought back to how tough it was mentally on me to climb. i decided not to risk it, not to be a burden on my trail mates, and opt out of day two. i was sad to admit it to my new friends, but not ashamed. i still think hiking 47 miles in one day is pretty amazing. my only regret is that i did not get to finish giving mount rainier that hug. someday soon, i will have to hike the other 36 miles to complete the hug. 

to rainier i say- i will return. i will finish what i started. and thank you for the challenges. to my friends i say thank you for the support. and to myself i say good work. never be afraid to try things.. you may surprise yourself with what you can do!

where is that band when you need it?

caution: this blog post was written after a couple weeks of frustration.. the purpose of it is not to complain or vent, but to reflect on my findings over those frustrating days. please put up with the bitterness to get the sweet message i want to share...

i hate feeling bitter. but the worst part is... once i get going, i don't stop. it starts with negative thoughts.. and then spreads to a whole attitude that could probably wilt the daffodils if i stood too close to them. at the root of it all is the famous question: what the heck am i even good for? heck, what is anything good for? what is the silly dinosaur cursor image on my computer good for? or ipads? or exercise balls? well, these are all valid questions. questions i have pondered all week. my conclusion.. these things all have a purpose... an equally important purpose if you ask me..

i have watched so many movies and documentaries about world war two. (a mild obsession) it always seems like the stories that touch me the most involve seemingly unimportant things. like, a soldier giving a doll to an enemy's abandoned child because he recognized her pain. or, the sharing of a cigarette on the deathbed of a dear friend on the battlefield. what was it good for? it was good for the moment. it was good for the people involved. why? because they cared. because their hearts were wide open, ready to feel something.

i recently read an article on doing your duty. one line is very embedded in my brain today.. (it is from this month's ensign article entitled "answering the call of duty" by heidi s. swinton)

 Our prophet’s view of duty requires looking beyond personal ambition, success, convenience, or pleasure to seeing and responding to the greater good. “To find real happiness,” President Monson said, “we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellowmen. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.

(as i read this i could just imagine mumford and sons walking in the front door of the FWCC and playing "awake my soul" in full surround sound) and from this, i realize what my frustration has been over.. i know what is "good"... in fact, the many options i have to choose from for my future right now are all good things. none of them will hold me back in any way, but i desperately want to know what is best. i may never find that out, but what is really important is that i stay focused on the greater good. so long as my heart is set on fulfilling this greater good (whatever it is), i feel that i will be guided to whatever is best. and so, life becomes exciting once more.. when i realize that it is a quest for the greater good. it is a journey to become the best i can be. there is no shame in that.

so, just because that dinosaur is only good for entertaining me while a page loads, or that exercise ball is only good when i know how to use it without spazzing all over the place, and ipads are good for looking up quick information to prove a point... does not mean it is any less important than anything else. and, i must be good for something, or i wouldn't be here. though i am exhausted from being frustrated, stressed, and an insomniac, i am really going to find my purpose. what is the greater good, and how can i, jenni thomas, respond to that need? well, i am going to find out. i will write about it when i know....

this helps me remember how beautiful life is... i took this on august 1st  just a few miles from the dunn's place, where i  currently live...

in case your day is less than great..

so.. my boyfriend has an amazing knack for finding hilarious things online.. things that make my whole day better.. like penguins, pretty pictures, ridiculous things/ people.. anyway, he is brilliant, and today's find is blog-worthy.. just read it.. no need for explanation..

WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

love you all! happy independence day!